35 essential questions to ask your partner before your wedding

Many people believe that love is all you need, but as marriage expert John M Gottman points out, it’s more complex than that. In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he shares this key insight: “Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this, I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. These couples tend to know each other intimately – they are well-versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways but through small gestures day in and day out.”

So with that in mind, these questions are designed to spark smiles, stories and shared memories – the kind that remind you why you’re choosing each other for life. Whether you’re snuggled on the sofa, taking a road trip or just unwinding after dinner, use these questions to rediscover the little things that make your relationship so special.

Shared memories

What’s the very first thing you noticed about me?

Do you remember what you were thinking right before our first date?

What’s one moment from our relationship that always makes you laugh?

Which trip or day out of ours would you relive in a heartbeat?

What’s the best meal we’ve ever had together – and why?

Stories from the past

What was your favourite toy or game growing up?

Who was your childhood hero – and do they still inspire you?

What’s a family tradition you’d love us to keep (or start)?

Did your family have any hilarious or strange habits?

What’s a memory from school that still makes you smile?

Firsts and milestones

What’s the first photo we ever took together – and do you still have it?

What was the first song or album we both loved?

Do you remember when we first said “I love you”?

When did you first think, “This could be the person I marry”?

What’s a “first” we haven’t had yet that you’re excited for?

Aspirations

Where would you love to travel together that we haven’t yet?

If we could wake up anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would it be?

What’s one new hobby or skill we should try learning together?

What would our dream lazy Sunday look like, start to finish?

What traditions should we create for our future family?

Romance

What’s one little thing I do that you secretly love?

If you had to describe me in three words, what would they be?

What’s something I might not realise you appreciate about me?

What’s one of your favourite photos of us, and what do you love about it?

What are you most excited about for our future?

Laughter

What’s the weirdest habit I’ve picked up from you?

What’s your favourite in-joke of ours?

If our life together was a film, what would the title be?

Who would play each of us in that film?

What animal do you think I’m most like and why?

Reflections on commitment

What does “home” mean to you – and how do we create it together?

What’s something small we do as a couple that feels really special?

When we look back at our life in 30 years, what do you hope we’ll say?

What’s one lesson love has taught you since we met?

What are you most excited to experience together in married life?

These aren’t questions you have to get through all at once. They’re conversation starters – excuses to slow down, reminisce, laugh and maybe even discover something new about the person you already know so well. After all, it’s the stories you collect along the way that make your love uniquely yours.