Questions to ask your partner for your anniversary

Anniversaries are the perfect occasions to pause, sit back and take stock of how far you’ve come in your relationship, your bond and shared history.

While you might simply see your anniversary as an excuse for a romantic dinner, a date to the theatre or even an exciting vacation, at Popsa, we believe that anniversaries actually have a far greater significance. They mark the perfect time for you and your partner to sit down and reflect on your relationship. It’s a time to really open up and deepen the connection you share with one another.

Here are some of the most significant anniversary questions for couples. 

20 anniversary questions for couples

Do you remember the first moment we met?

One of the most significant moments in any relationship is when you first laid eyes on each other. Where were you? How old were you? What were you wearing? Did you like what you saw? Recalling your first meeting is the obvious starting point to begin reflecting on your journey. 

How long has it been now?

Anniversaries are, ultimately, a measure of time. And so the obvious question to ask is this: how long have we been together now? Maybe it’s only been a couple of months, or perhaps it’s been decades. Either way, your anniversary is a time for you both to pause and reflect on your relationship together and all you’ve been through as a couple.

What is your favourite memory we’ve shared in the past?

A relationship is built on shared experiences, so your anniversary is the perfect time to talk about the best one from the recent past. It could be a special date, a trip abroad, an achievement or a goal you’ve completed. Discuss how you two as a team made it possible. 

What’s something we’ve learned about each other?

A relationship should be built around discovery – peeling back the layers of your partner to learn new things about them, their personality and the way they see the world. So, think back: what discovery have you made about them recently?

What have you learned about me?

Similarly, you might be curious to know what new facets of yourself you’ve revealed to your partner – either consciously or unconsciously – and how this has altered their perception of you. How do they feel you’ve changed and grown recently?

If you could relive one day from our relationship, what would it be?

You might also want to discuss the special standout moments you’ve shared with your partner. What one was so good that you’d love to relive it? And if you could relieve that moment, would you act any differently this time around?

What’s a goal you have for us as a couple that we can work on together?

While anniversaries are always a good time to look back at your shared past, they’re also a great opportunity to look ahead to the future. According to relationship expert and author Dr Tina B Tessina: “Couples need to learn to work together towards shared goals. Marriages last when couples feel like partners in sharing and building life.”

So, what do you and your partner want to achieve together? What accomplishments do you think you’ll have made by the time your next anniversary rolls around?

What new experience should we share next?

Relationships thrive on novelty and new experiences. With that in mind, you and your partner might want to think about some new things you want to enjoy together. Perhaps you’d like to try a new hobby, visit a new place or even learn a new skill or gain a qualification. After all, Dr John M Gottman, a psychologist known for his work on marriage and relationships, said that: “Shared experiences and creating new memories together strengthens a relationship.”  

What’s our favourite inside joke?

Of course, these big milestones don’t always have to be serious and ponderous. You might want to ask what your favourite inside jokes or funny moments are in your relationship. A shared sense of humour is one of the main pillars of a thriving romantic partnership.

What’s your favourite memory of our time together?

Anniversaries are also a time to celebrate the memories you’ve made with your partner. When you’re together, try recapping some of the fondest ones. What happy times have you had together recently?

What’s a piece of advice you’d give to our younger selves?

Try to see this question as a springboard for improvement: how would you do things differently, and what new wisdom have you learned that you might want to impart to your past self?

Is there anything you would change about me? Or am I perfect as I am?

Building on this, perhaps you’d like to explore whether there’s any way you can positively change for your partner or work on something for them. On the other hand, maybe you’d like to be reminded how perfect your partner truly finds you.

What do you think I can do to improve the quality of our relationship?

In this question, you’re talking more about yourselves than about how your relationship can be improved. Do you need to review who is responsible for the chores? Do you need to communicate more, listen more or maybe judge a little less? According to Dr Gottman, the actual questions themselves matter less than the act of focusing on your partner’s needs and listening to them. “The most important thing in communication is how these people pay attention to each other, no matter what they’re talking about or doing.”

What was the hardest part of the last year for you?

This is also a great time to reflect on the trials and tribulations that you may have had to endure together. Take a beat and appreciate how your relationship has helped you get through difficult times and challenging experiences.

What’s your favourite thing about being my partner?

Of course, an anniversary is also the perfect time to lavish praise on one another. Get your partner to remind you why you’re right for each other, what they love about you, and why they choose to be with you through thick and thin. 

If we won the lottery, what would be the first thing you’d want to do together?

This isn’t so much a question about money but about what you would do together if you had no commitments, responsibilities and worries. What would you want to do with the freedom to do anything?

What new tradition should we start this year?

Traditions are a way to strengthen the bond between couples, and anniversary traditions can help make these special occasions even more memorable. So, you might want to consider adopting new traditions together for the coming year.

How shall we celebrate this anniversary?

Your most pertinent question should be: what are we getting up to in the here and now? What are we going to do on our special day to celebrate our relationship and the time we’ve shared together?

What can we do to make this anniversary unforgettable?

And, of course, you have to ask your partner what you can do to make this particular anniversary stand out in their mind. Maybe you want to do something memorable, but you might also want to find a way to record your precious anniversary memories for posterity.