What to do with family photos that bring up complex emotions

Holding a small, worn photograph, or discovering a snapshot deep within your camera roll – you recall a moment long past. It brings up memories of a loved one’s face, a place you can no longer go, and you silently recall stories of happier times. These tangible pieces of the past, often kept private, can become a focal point for memory, a constant dialogue about what once was and is no longer. 

It’s a common experience to feel triggered by photos that are emotionally heavy. Our instinctive reaction may be to avoid looking at them, but these images are part of our story and – crucially – they help us to make sense of love, loss, and how we keep going.  

This article explores what to do with emotional photos that feel too heavy to hold onto, and how to transform them from sources of pain into healing. We'll delve into strategies for preserving these images, both physically and digitally, to help you find solace and strength in the stories they tell.

Family photos and grief: the psychology of memory preservation

Most of us take photos as a way to remember important moments and tell the story of our lives. But life isn’t just sunshine and rainbows. We all go through tough times – stress, bereavement, relationship breakdowns – and these life events can turn what were once ordinary or joyful pictures, into objects that are painful or triggering.

So, what should we do with family photos after things like death, divorce and loss? It's only natural to want to push these photos away, bury them in a box in the attic, or delete them from our screens and memories. But hold fire – research suggests that looking at old photos with intention allows us to reflect, acknowledge, and ultimately work through our grief. 

A recent study looked at the impact of photography therapy intervention, measuring feelings of despair, anger and dissociation among those who had lost a loved one. The researchers found those who engaged with photos as part of the grieving process experienced less anxiety and physical distress compared to the control group. 

A 2021 study had similar findings – it reported that compiling photos, personal diary entries and interviews empowers people to feel less lost in their grief and more connected to the memories they hold dear.

How to revisit emotional photos in a way that feels safe

If revisiting emotionally charged photos is especially daunting, a gentle approach can transform this pain into a catalyst for healing. 

Set aside some time in a quiet space to make the act of looking through old photos meaningful and intentional. You might want to light a candle or play some relaxing music to create an atmosphere for reflection. 

Take some deep breaths and allow yourself to feel painful emotions as they arise. Writing them down in a journal or speaking them aloud may help you process the difficult emotions.

Sharing the experience with a trusted friend or family member, or talking about the photos with a therapist, may also provide you with valuable emotional support if the experience is especially painful. 

Try to focus on your positive memories and limit the time spent engaging with sad photos. This gradual and structured approach will help you to process the photos without becoming overwhelmed. 

Organising emotional photos

After taking the first steps to revisit sad photos, we're faced with the next challenge: what to do with them in the long term? Organising the potentially vast collection of printed and digital photos of lost loved ones can feel like an impossible task. 

However, transforming this jumbled collection into something curated and accessible is an important part of the process. Here’s how you can approach it: 

Create a dedicated space for your sensitive photographs

Sort your emotional photo collection into physical memory boxes, photo albums, or specially created folders on your computer or smartphone. 

Categorise your photos by emotional theme

Label your storage files carefully so you can revisit the images on your own terms – no surprises. For instance, use the person's name and the era or milestones the images depict, such as "Mum's Younger Days", "Mum in the 1990s" or "Mum's Later Years". 

Also consider creating tags for the images, even the physical photos, based on their emotional context, such as "Happy Memories", "Medical Journey" or "Co-Parenting". This will allow you to quickly identify the pictures that will lift you up versus the images that might need a more cautious approach. 

Take regular breaks and prioritise your wellbeing

Take your time with this sorting process and acknowledge that it’s a journey of healing, not a race to completion. Allow yourself to step away if you get overwhelmed. Return to the task only when you feel more emotionally centred.

Bear in mind that you don't have to keep every photo readily at hand. Some emotionally charged images can be placed into deep storage or even donated to archiving sites or local historical societies. Prioritising your wellbeing in this way can help you create a sense of space and emotional distance, which can be vital for your healing journey.

Consider digitising family photos

Finally, consider the person's legacy and the images they would like to pass down to future generations. Set aside the photos that are worth digitising or copying, so that friends and family members can enjoy your remembrance archive and get a feel for the person you loved so dearly. 

Honouring emotional photos in a tangible way

Having carefully curated and digitised your old photos, you've already taken a huge step in your healing journey. Whether you want to share with your loved ones, or just keep these photos private, you owe it to yourself to transform photos that feel heavy into a lasting tribute. 

Consider the different ways you can create artistic keepsakes that resonate with personal meaning: 

For instance, a beautifully crafted Photo Book can showcase the narrative of your shared past, with each page becoming a canvas for your stories. You can incorporate captions, dates and personal reflections that explore the depth of your connection. 

Quick tip: The Popsa app makes it easy to compile your photo story; choose from a wide range of photo layout templates to seamlessly fit your images onto the page. It also offers caption suggestions to spark your creativity, allowing you to create a professional-quality photo book without spending hours upon hours on intricate design. 

For a more artistic touch, explore the possibility of mixing Photo Prints with scanned images of old letters and cards into a framed collage. These poignant displays can transform memories into focal points of remembrance, allowing you to capture the tangible essence of their inner self and add new context to complicated feelings. 

Finally, for private moments of personal reflection, creating a Photo Box of Polaroid-style prints – paired with comforting personalised captions – can serve as a gentle tool for healing, allowing you to revisit cherished moments. 

Remember: your story and how you deal with painful memories and photographs are unique. There will be good days and bad days, but if you allow yourself to feel your feelings and find healthy ways to express them, you'll discover a path towards acceptance. 

With that in mind, consider sharing this article with those who might be navigating similar emotional landscapes. Your support can remind loved ones that they're not alone in their journey of remembrance. And if you would like to share your Popsa memory project to inspire others, tag your creations with @Popsa on Instagram.